Four years.

Four years. That's how long I waited to see The 1975 live. and finally after those four years of constant ticket website checking and begging my mum look just one more time, I went. My boyfriend managed to find tickets last minute and surprise me with them. needless to say I cried. A lot. 

It was tickets for the Brixton Academy show on the 8th of March, four days after he booked the tickets. I hadn't mentally prepared myself for finally hearing Matty and the boys in real life after so long of waiting. 

I'm not going to bore you with the step by step of what happened on the day but i will tell you that without realising we stumbled across the Bowie memorial in Brixton and despite my best efforts, I cried a bit.

We grabbed a coffee and followed the queue round to the back of the venue for the doors to open. We found seats, good seats might I add, and sat down, watching the support act The Japanese House perform. The lights dimmed soon after and everybody started screaming and clapping despite no one being on stage yet. The atmosphere was amazing before the show had even begun. 

Soon the lights completely shut off and flashed back on, George, Adam and Ross already on stage with Matty casually strolling out. They started with Love me, Matty occasionally sipping red wine from the glass he kept on the keyboard stand beside him. I kept relatively calm until he asked for people to turn their phones off and just embrace the feel of the room as he sung 'you' which is a particularly hard song for me to listen to. He left stage for a couple minutes after, presumably to refill his wine glass as he came back with not only a full glass but also the bottle. They played some of the older songs from the first album before continuing with new tracks. Considering I was so happy and excited to be there, I cried an awful lot. My boyfriend probably didn't help by when 'somebody else'  was playing, he lent over and asked if it was worth living for, (I'd been going through a rough time a few weeks before hand) and caused me to cry even more. 

I don't really have much else to add apart from the fact that the new album is stunning to listen to and visually. The set is amazing and The 1975 are beautiful performers. I'm so glad I finally got to see them after all this time. In true respect to writing about a concert, have some pictures and videos of my night:

Heart Out

UGH!

Somebody Else

Girls

Somebody Else

Love me

Self love.

A few things I have learnt on self-love.

When they say time heals, they mean time will heal only if you allow it too. Time will heal if you acknowledge there are wounds, time will heal if you know you are flawed.

And that’s okay to admit, it will take nothing but time and courage to realise what has scarred you but you know what? Life is filled with ups and downs you’re going to learn that life is a river that will flow forward no matter how rocky the path is.

Keep looking forward and let time heal, it’s okay to cry now but I want you to know, before you get there that there is a future, just let time do its work.

You will lose hope. You will collapse to your knees wondering why you have to bleed for a heart that feels so heavy and eyes that never stop crying, and you know what? It’s not okay. It’s not okay to feel this way that’s why I am going to ask you to cry. Hurt. Be in pain. But no matter what, you get back up. You get back up and you see that sunset you love. If everything you love in life is lost then create new memories. It’s not okay, and things like this might happen again, but when life knocks you down you get back up and prepare yourself for another good fight, and you will win, and by win I mean, every breath you take you will feel alive again and not wanting to be dead.

When you stand in front of the mirror and you’re wondering why you’re not pretty or skinny enough. Stop. You’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful. You are going to ask me how I know, and I know, cause when you’re 65 and you have wrinkles and you’re walking slowly cause your knees hurt it won’t matter how you looked when you’re 14 cause someone will fall in love with you. Not only for your looks but for the way you spoke, the way you fall in love with everything and more. You are beautiful not only because of you are on the outside, but who you are on the inside and trust me, my grandmother said it didn't matter if my grandfather was good looking he was the only man who got her jokes.

You don’t have to be beautiful according to society rules, you are beautiful. There is no predefined standard, and you don’t have to be beautiful for someone to fall in love with you.              

If love was shallow, we wouldn't have poets and authors around writing about it. You do you, you make your own choices, and if any of these days you feel like you’re not good enough or as pretty as your friends, you stop and you realise how beautiful you are and you can be.

People are going to hurt you. Bad. Some people might mean it, some people might not but you cannot let anyone take away your happiness away from you. If a person makes you happy and you’re dependent on that person, that is fine. You’re worth all happiness, but know if a person hurts or leaves you, and this person made you happy, let them go. It’s not worth it to have something full of poison by you because it feels good, because at the end of the day, the poison remains and you crumble. You will find better people, you will find more happiness in what you bring yourself then what others bring to you. And if you find more happiness with what people bring to you, that is okay as well, just remember at the end of the day YOU matter.

Lastly, the thing I learnt about life is that, it sucks, but there is nothing I wouldn't do to get up every morning and see the face of the person I love and watch the sunset. Because right now I am alive. I am everything I want to be.

So try loving yourself, put the puzzle pieces together, the fight is worth it.

Simply Brown

You hated your eye colour,
Called it a dull and dirty brown,
Wished for the deep blue of an ocean,
Where admirers hearts would drown, 
And it pained me when I realised,
You'd never see it like I do,
The way your eyes hint at a story, 
That I want to read right through, 
They hold specks of stolen sunlight, 
That you'd miss with just one glance, 
And a depth of raw emotion, 
That can freeze you in a trance, 
They're a fix of melted chocolate,
When I'm craving something sweet, 
But hold a gaze that's so unwavering, 
that I find it hard to meet,
I fall right into your eyes 
The browns of earth's unfettered beauty, 
That I yearn to memorise,
When I was tired of not belonging,
they made me feel like I'd been found 
And I hope you never say again, 
That you're eyes are simply brown. 

(m.g.w)
      

10 things I should tell you but probably never will

1. I'll never understand how you saw me. You had everyone falling at your feet like you were the second coming of Christ and I was just another shade of grey. I'll never understand how you saw me. 

2. I still remember the first time you ever called me beautiful. I swear to god I've never felt so whole in my entire life. 

3. I've always dreamt about living near the ocean, looking in to your eyes was the closest I've ever got.

4. You gave me the confidence I've always lacked and I can't begin to tell you how good that felt before you took it all away. 

5. You used to bite your lip when you got nervous and now mine won't stop bleeding. I guess when someone becomes your entire world you start to pick up on their bad habits.

6. I think you were the last source of light in my life before it all went dark. 

7. Being around you was like walking on broken glass and maybe that's why I'm so addicted to this pain inside my chest. 

8. I can't listen to 'skinny love' by birdy any more without wanting to set fire to my skin and for some reason, I still put it on repeat every night as I fall asleep.

9. Sometimes, I pray to wake up with amnesia so I don't have to remember how losing you broke me into a million fucking pieces. 

10. I didn't walk away because I didn't love you. I walked away because I wasn't strong enough to stick around when you started loving her and stopped looking at me.  

Busy streets.

It is a fascinating thing to sit down a busy street and watch the passers-by. The star-crossed lovers, strolling hand in hand, their concentration only on each other. The business people, sharply dressed and hurrying along with their briefcases, probably holding nothing more than a few notes from their last meeting. The best friends,coffee in one hand, shopping bags gripped ever-so-tight with the other; grin from ear to ear laughing at a joke one of them made. The families, all out together or maybe just in two, shifting through the crowds with pushchairs, which most likely hold the child and balance the contents of their shopping on the top.

Then there is the solo people. Maybe they are of to meet a friend or relative, maybe they are off to college, but maybe, just maybe they are just out just on their own. Ear phones in. Music up. Carefully dodging the remaining people on the street, not going out of their way to make eye contact either.

I find it comforting to realise that all of these people have a life of their own, each burdened with their own responsibility and their own personal demons are still able to hide them behind their identity as a stranger. It is also slightly intimidating how the world can somehow in its own strange way manage to weave all our lives together but keep us apart at the same time.