10 things I should tell you but probably never will

1. I'll never understand how you saw me. You had everyone falling at your feet like you were the second coming of Christ and I was just another shade of grey. I'll never understand how you saw me. 

2. I still remember the first time you ever called me beautiful. I swear to god I've never felt so whole in my entire life. 

3. I've always dreamt about living near the ocean, looking in to your eyes was the closest I've ever got.

4. You gave me the confidence I've always lacked and I can't begin to tell you how good that felt before you took it all away. 

5. You used to bite your lip when you got nervous and now mine won't stop bleeding. I guess when someone becomes your entire world you start to pick up on their bad habits.

6. I think you were the last source of light in my life before it all went dark. 

7. Being around you was like walking on broken glass and maybe that's why I'm so addicted to this pain inside my chest. 

8. I can't listen to 'skinny love' by birdy any more without wanting to set fire to my skin and for some reason, I still put it on repeat every night as I fall asleep.

9. Sometimes, I pray to wake up with amnesia so I don't have to remember how losing you broke me into a million fucking pieces. 

10. I didn't walk away because I didn't love you. I walked away because I wasn't strong enough to stick around when you started loving her and stopped looking at me.  

Busy streets.

It is a fascinating thing to sit down a busy street and watch the passers-by. The star-crossed lovers, strolling hand in hand, their concentration only on each other. The business people, sharply dressed and hurrying along with their briefcases, probably holding nothing more than a few notes from their last meeting. The best friends,coffee in one hand, shopping bags gripped ever-so-tight with the other; grin from ear to ear laughing at a joke one of them made. The families, all out together or maybe just in two, shifting through the crowds with pushchairs, which most likely hold the child and balance the contents of their shopping on the top.

Then there is the solo people. Maybe they are of to meet a friend or relative, maybe they are off to college, but maybe, just maybe they are just out just on their own. Ear phones in. Music up. Carefully dodging the remaining people on the street, not going out of their way to make eye contact either.

I find it comforting to realise that all of these people have a life of their own, each burdened with their own responsibility and their own personal demons are still able to hide them behind their identity as a stranger. It is also slightly intimidating how the world can somehow in its own strange way manage to weave all our lives together but keep us apart at the same time.